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Dear Subscriber First Name, In times like these…In times like these… Oh, my heart. In times like these, it gets hard to know where to start or what to say. The remedies I wish I could offer the world are far beyond my reach and so I offer what I can to the proximate world I occupy. Delivering small kindnesses - baked goods, soup, hugs - for those I know who are struggling with illness, loss, cold, fear, despair. Orchestrating help for those who need it. Offering support for good work being done. Staying connected with loved ones. Standing vigil. Trying to offer loving words as a balm. Making small differences when the big differences needed right now seem to occupy a stratosphere beyond my current capacities and comprehension. In times like these, I need and heed the words of Andrea Gibson as her wisdom reminds me: “Let your heart break so your spirit doesn’t.” In this spirit, I want to be a bit more vulnerable here than is my custom. As long as I can remember, I have had a really hard time - and this is putting it mildly - with cruelty. Witnessing it, hearing about it, reading about it. Any of it. Growing up, I was called overly sensitive when I could not watch violent movies that others could tolerate. I was teased for being thin-skinned when sporting events got aggressive and I had to leave. Harm to animals, humans, the Earth - it all felt unbearable. Over time, accepted and integrated, these exact sensitivities became fuel for an adulthood of activism and nonprofit work focused on uplifting and protecting love, justice, and peace. These same sensitivities also led me to grateful liviing and its five guiding principles, which address the exquisite poignancy of being human, celebrate our soft-strong hearts, and offer us a merciful moment-to-moment practice to navigate life. A couple weeks ago, after my early morning practices, I turned to my daily ritual of reading the news headlines - one of the ways I endeavor to not turn away from what is hard. With intention and a steady gaze, I have been trying to stay informed about what is happening in the world so that I can be a responsible and responsive citizen. But on this morning, after reading only two headlines, I started crying…and for most of the next few days, I could not stop. I canceled everything and just let myself feel the depths of my grief. It was profound and cathartic. Over the days, what became disconcerting for me was not so much the grief itself but how easy it was to slip into making myself wrong for feeling so much of it. How easy it was to feel like I should be able to better handle knowing the truth of the cruelty being done without being so undone by it. I got caught in a mental spiral that pulled me away from the wrongness of what is happening in our country and world right now, and instead I became fixated on how wrong I felt in the face of it all. It was only after sitting - as patiently as possible - with all the tears and feelings, that I could see my downward spiral as one of the ways that cruelty could actually, insidiously win. And so I rose up. Reconnecting with the fierceness of my spirit, I was reminded of something simple: that I can trust myself - my intuition, instincts, perceptions, limits, needs, emotions, etc. I remembered that our inner truths need deep listening, tending, and honoring, and so I eventually came to ask myself this question, “If you trusted yourself completely right now, what would you do?” This inquiry became a “Yes” to life and guided me to action. I can see now that the practice of self-trust becomes even more critical when the forces around us feel so untrustworthy. Strengthening our ties of love and belonging with trustworthy others (and ourselves) offers needed medicine. It nourishes our capacity for hope. I dare to share this experience because I hear from many people that they too are struggling with broken hearts and mental spirals, and if this is at all true for you, I want you to feel accompanied. Telling our truer truths may become more and more important when so much “intelligence” around us is “artificial” and what is actually true gets harder to discern. Here's one thing that I know to be trustworthy and true: Gratefulness. It is not an either/or proposition. It is not all or nothing. It is not a pacifier. Gratefulness is a both/and practice of greeting, holding, and deepening into life. It spoke through all my tears, and it also got me off the couch. Gratefulness is a “yes” to life, to love, to justice, and to peace. It’s an activator. It is here with you as you read these words, and its welcome will never waver or expire. Thank you for being here. I hope this museletter offers you a sense of support in these challenging times. Please freely explore the resources below and on my website anytime to nourish your capacity to attend to the concerns of your heart, and to embolden your “Yes” to life. From my soft-strong heart to yours -
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